Over 5 years ago, a Tumblr user going by several names including Marxsoul published a Google Doc with the intent to cancel me.
This document was filled with hearsay about how I, as a teen, was proposed to by and later dated a younger teen online (whom we met when both of us were lying about our age). It also compiled a bunch of usernames across many social media sites that they suspected to be me, though some of those guesses are mistaken.
I’ll address them here once again, hopefully for the final time.
In fact, in 2021 January 29th, I addressed its contents on my own blog before, provided the missing context that I saw fit to provide, and apologized for all which I saw was accurate and for which I was to blame. And that would be that, I thought.
Oh, how naïve I was.
During the ensuing years, I continued to improve myself, finding a pocket of new friends who would accept me on the way. I never returned to repeat anything resembling the reason why I was canceled.
But the mob followed me from fandom to fandom, from community to community. First it was the English Puyo Puyo community in which Marxsoul was most active. My pet project Incorrect Puyotris Quotes got numerous hate reblogs and harassment Asks. Months after announcing my indefinite hiatus from the blog, a scheduled Christmas-themed post was published on the blog. When I remembered that I even had a Tumblr account, I saw that the Notes were polluted with massive amounts of panic and vitriol against me, speculating on my supposed return.
Then it spread to the DDR community on the Zenius-I-vanisher forum, who ejected me from the DDR XX project, to which I provided lots of visual assets and even an official Noteskin. All of my contributions were scrubbed and replaced. The same exact document was cited as the reason why. I also addressed those allegations on the same day.
And when I won second place in the first Note Design division in the 4th Andamiro Content Creation Contest, those same people robbed me of my opportunity for my original design to be featured in Pump It Up officially. I did end up receiving my cash prize, but the damage has been done; Marxsoul robbed me of the momentous achievement of being featured in a real commercial rhythm game.
This bandwagon has since spread to the Jackbox community. On 2024 February 9, I was kicked out from a fangame project against my fellow member’s wishes, because Jackbox staff found my involvement in the fangame unacceptable and damaging for their company.
Enough.
An apology that addresses the callout did not stop the harassment.
Years upon years of growth—my friends, both from before and after the callout doc will see to it—did not stop the harassment.
They say I should not reason with terrorists, but I would rather deal with terrorists than the mob mentality kangaroo court of public opinion, because at least terrorists will give me demands to work with.
At this point, the continued, persistent attempt to cancel me is nothing short of targeted harassment. I am forbidden from having a life and sharing my passion towards my interests because of something that happened when I hadn’t realized I was a trans woman yet.
I am literally not the man I used to be. And yet, and yet, I cannot escape the vengeful wraiths that haunt me every waking hour and every sleeping hour.
You are obsessed with me. Get a life.
You are chasing revenge for misdeeds that only exist in your mind anymore.
I deserve to live a life. I deserve to have a passion. I deserve to be a human, not an effigy.
I deserve to be free of harassment. I deserve to be free from disproportionate hate. I deserve to be free.
I deserve to be a social creature, not to have helicopter harassers continuously guilting new potential friends for liking me.
I deserve a satisfying conclusion to my redemption arc.
I deserve to stop living in fear that everyone will suddenly rediscover that wretched tome of half-truths and decide to turn against me.
The only thing Dustborn did right is describe the real purpose of canceling.
In the last 7 years, I have faced my past mistakes, refined my moral compass, and grown to overcome them, never to repeat them again. Haven’t you had more than enough years to get over me?
If your goal is to ruin my life, you’ve succeeded. If your goal is to rob me of my achievements, you’ve succeeded multiple times. If your goal is to induce stress, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation upon me, you’ve succeeded.
If your goal is to have the moral high ground, you’ve failed a long time ago.
One huge reason why I have accumulated many alt accounts and monikers over the years is to get a fresh new start, a new attempt to share my passions and provide contributions towards the passions of others, without the persistent chasers following my old name and account.
You win, Haley hunters, you’re dedicated and obsessed. I live in your head rent-free, and you dedicate your life to revenge against someone who, odds are, you haven’t even personally been wronged by.
This open letter is addressed to Marxsoul, DJ Vortivask, @silver_void, Ariel Haymarket, Kalina Chung, Izumi, @burned_up, @EmberIsTired, and whoever else keeps stalking my socials and posting that same Google Doc every time I get a noticeable amount of attention.
Seven years is enough.
Regards,
— Haruki “Haley” Wakamatsu
P.S.: If you’ve ever used the fonts Motion Control, Apricity, Digital Desolation, Project Paintball (Splatoon recreation font), Monster Friend (Undertale logo recreation font), Running Start, Orelega (It’s on Google Fonts), or any of Haley Wakamatsu’s Shavian Fonts, you’ve benefited from my unpaid labor. :)
I made the Undertale Yellow logo font and you can never take that away from me.
Addendum: I encourage you to report the original doc for bullying and/or harassment to Google Drive.